


wouldn't fall for someone I thought couldn't misbehave

by murinae



Category: Re-Animator (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Pining, crysturbation??, jackin off but sad, trans herbert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 20:21:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18059408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murinae/pseuds/murinae
Summary: herbert west has a bad night





	wouldn't fall for someone I thought couldn't misbehave

It was so quiet when Dan wasn’t by his side. He’d gone out on a date with some woman he’d picked up, for the fourth time in two weeks. Later in the night, he’d bring her home, try to forget that Megan was gone.  
Herbert knew the routine by now.  
So it didn’t make sense that this time was different.   
This time it’d seemed like Dan really liked her. Maybe beyond a distraction. Maybe more than he’d want to stay.  
“No,” He murmured, “That- no, of course he wouldn’t. He’s invested now. You’ve done enough for him that leaving now would be a death sentence..right? Yes, of course..”

Mumbling like a madman yet again, hunched over a tray of body parts. What a sad sight. He’d never known why it hurt him so profoundly to see Dan with other people anyway- his first guess would be that it was out of pure reason. Harder to work alone, of course, but something deep in his gut told him he was lying to himself.  
His hand slipped through the wrong part of the heart on his table. Fuck.   
“God..damnit, Herbert,” He dug his fingers into his scalp, almost just to feel something, “You don’t have time to make stupid mistakes.”  
He was dizzy.  
Try again.  
Failed.

He realized his hands were shaking too badly to continue, so he slumped back against the wall.   
“Why would somebody like him have you, anyway?”  
He liked that thought.  
Daniel, having somebody like him.  
Who else would?  
After all, it was Dan who’d defended him. Dan who’d stayed by his side. Dan who took care of him. 

Herbert slid down into a half-kneeling position on the laboratory floor. The image lingered in his mind’s eye- Daniel, skin against his. Daniel, holding him tight to his chest. Daniel, kissing him gently underneath the moonlit sky. It was a nice thought, but ultimately.. Probably impossible, unfortunately, and for some reason beyond his comprehension, it ached.  
“Best to put aside these goddamned fantasies, anyway,” he sighed, “but he won’t be home for a while..”   
Why not? It was already hedonistic to indulge thoughts like that, why not take it a step further? A momentary escape?  
“Just this once.”   
He shuffled to his feet, swaying slightly as he did so, and walked over to the door. Locked it, of course, safety’s sake- what kind of scientist would he be if he didn’t- and loosened the tie around his neck.   
Just this once. 

He let himself fall into the examination chair, caring very little for the safety of his spine, and loosened his pants. It’d been.. A while, to say the least. It took him a moment to recall exactly what he’d enjoyed before devoting his time, almost wholly, to resurrecting the dead- but it was easy enough after a moment. His hand dipped under his waistband and he shifted his fingers over his boxers, gently pressing them against his clit.   
It was that moment that Herbert realized what he’d been missing out on.

It was like the flip of a switch. One moment he was simply tolerating the needs he’d repressed, the next his mind was flooded with thoughts, and all of them were of and for one man.  
Most notably, of course, he recalled with stunning accuracy that moment in the morgue. The smell of Dan’s skin, the way his body felt underneath him- had it not been under such terrible circumstances, and had Dan not been straight..   
God, the thought drove him mad.  
The fantasy of it all- of Daniel Cain with his shirt off and his hair tousled, begging only for Herbert. Perhaps on his knees, perhaps not- well, it was pleasant, to say the least.   
He moved his hand with almost surgical precision, shifting his fingers in position so that he could move them just the way he needed.  
“Danny-” He whimpered, “God, Dan…”  
Thank god for soundproof basements. 

He took off his glasses with his non-occupied hand and placed them onto the metal table beside him- all to better access his hair, which he tugged lightly between his fingers.   
“Dan-!” He sounded like he was pleading, and, in a sense, he was.   
He could feel himself coming undone, and he had the mind not to fight it. It was quick- a wave of sensation that hit him like a fresh dose- left him shaking and panting, practically immobilized. Good god he really had been missing out, hadn’t he? 

He reached for his glasses with trembling hands, unfolded them and placed them back on his face. He found it hard to stand, at first, so he just rested for a moment- of course, only after pulling his pants back on.   
Strange, really, to think about the way he felt when he’d been holding it back for so long. To be, dare he think, in love with something as unattainable as Daniel.  
How his research had brought him to this point, he doubted he’d ever know, but in some masochistic sense, he was glad it had. 

He exhaled, rose to his feet and steadied himself against the examination table, prepared to return to his work. Distancing oneself from something of an emotional outburst has never been so simple! But, of course, as if on cue, he heard the upstairs door open. Lovers cooing to one another, the shuffling of them walking up the stairs. Daniel, of course, speaking the same compliments he had to every girl before whichever one this was. 

The sickening melody of affection always left his gut wrenching. A familiar feeling of jealousy pooled in his stomach, rose into his chest and spilled out of his mouth in a slurry of soft, angry curses. He sat down on the floor, head in his hands.  
Forced to confront what he’d done to himself. Forced to accept dreams that would likely never come true. 

Herbert West rarely cried, but tonight was different. It was never a sob, mind you- just a few stray tears, bitter and salty. Cathartic, despite the stiffness of it all. He knew what he’d do. Pretend it didn’t happen, continue his life as if it really hadn’t. He’d pine away in silence. He was good at that, after all. Tomorrow he’d finish the current experiment- a man’s heart in the middle of his arm, because what kind of mad scientist would he be without such morbid doodling with useless parts- and move on to the next one, as Dan would move onto the next girl who looked even vaguely like Megan. 

 

Predictable.

**Author's Note:**

> yes it's a hozier quote yes it's unrelated gimmie a goddamn break


End file.
